February 15th, 2005

Time: 09:07 pm

Thank god she is off the vent and doing ok. she will get to come home in a few days i miss her so much!!!

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February 14th, 2005

Time: 09:58 pm

another day down and the tube is still in they are going to try and take it our tomorrow but if it is anything like to day she is going to have that thing in her for a long time

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February 13th, 2005

Time: 08:23 pm

we are going in to day 4 she is still not up and now she has a feeding tube. They said they might take out the breathing tube tomorrow. I can not waite till she wakes up i miss not being able to hold her. So i guess we will have v-day dinner in the hospital. All liquid dinner for her i am such a good date. I love you brittany pleas get better soon.

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Time: 06:17 am

thanks guys. Back to the hospital i go

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February 12th, 2005

Time: 07:37 pm

she is not getting better and i am so sleepy right now i hope she is ok i can not live with out her

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February 11th, 2005

Time: 11:21 pm

well Brittany is in the hospital she has a tub down her throat, all this stuff hooked up to her and is not awake. I just got home she has been there all day. I think she will get to come home on monday. I can not handel this so I am not gonig to work tomorrow. I have to go do papers to night and all i want to do is go back and be with her. So i guess i will go back up ther about 6 am. they said i could stay all night but i have to go to work sucks ass. I love her so much i hope she gets better soon.

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December 10th, 2004

Time: 11:58 pm

well this birthday sucked ass. My mom did not call the say happy birthday to me. The mom i live with did not say it eather. My fucking girlfriend spent most of the day with someone else. She said she would be home and come to see me at work but she did not come home till 10:30. Work sucked, I am sleepy but I can't go to sleep. And i did not get shit. I have bills comeing out my ass and I just had to sell most of my stock to pay one of them. So all in all This has been a shity day.

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September 5th, 2004

Time: 03:50 pm

well i guess andrew knows we are together. I thought that was all i wanted but she talked to him to day and i did not feel any better. I told her that was all i wanted for him to know. Then we had one of our drunk talks about us and i was not happy how it ended. I still feel like she will leave me if the opportunity arises. EVery time we talk about it i never feel better. Cuz all she does is tel me how much she loves him and how she wishes she could be with him. then she will say but i love you and i am with you right. i don;t know i just want this to work out but some times i am very scared it wont.

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August 3rd, 2004

Time: 10:17 pm

hi i am in amsterdam!! Renee says hi. it's been a long time. i am coming back to the states on friday but i am off to the beach. see you all (maybe) the end of aug. have fun.

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June 28th, 2004

Time: 04:08 pm

Going to Europe tomorrow see you all the end of august

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June 21st, 2004

Time: 11:13 am

Brittany let me read her poems last night. They were good but I don't think they were for me but still good. I am going to miss her more then anything in this world when I leave. She is going to stay here and that makes me feel better. I don't know I just cant get use to her sleeping in the same bad with him. The night they had the big fight she said she tried and he was the one who said it would not work. That she wanted to make it work but he would not try. That hurt so bad just knowing she would drop me if he said he wanted to try again. I would just die. And he still does not know about us. I though he did but he does not. I guess in time I will get over it but for now it's still hard. I love this girl with all my heart and I am willing to give up everything for her go where ever she wants do what ever she asks. I am just scared that she will still leave me. I guess it's just my own insecurities I am dealing with ans once I work out my own problems it will be ok I guess. I just don't want her to leave me I love her to much but she loves him. Will it ever work out or will it be like this the rest of our lives?

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May 11th, 2004

Time: 01:28 pm

well I started my job yesterday. It was not to bad. I am so happy to have a job. Ok well I guess thats all.

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February 26th, 2004

Time: 06:01 pm

What will your Funeral be like? by rashock Username You will die by: You body was found mangled in a brutal death from an insane lover or jealous significate other.The murderer was sentenced to death row but the chair or gas was too good for them. They sowed you up in a bag and tossed you in your casket, It's a closed case unless your friends and family want to be sick. Death Date: August 15, 2011 Number attending your funeral? 178 How much will you leave to friends and family? $274,966 Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

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February 23rd, 2004

Time: 09:06 pm

create your personalized map of europe or write about it on the open travel guide

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February 22nd, 2004

Time: 07:29 pm Current Mood: confused

Well yesterday I left my mom a note telling her I was gay. I thought she would want to talk about it but she has not said anything to me. I do not want to talk about it but I do want to know how she feels about it. I think she knew already and is just like" ok what evey" but I would like to know. I want to tell her about me and Brittany but I don't know if I should. I mean she has to know something. Brittany has been sleeping in my bed for the past 8 weeks. I think she is going to keep sleeping with me. She has never slept by her self and we like sharing a bed. So I told my mom she did not like to sleep by her self and she said "maybe we should bring her bed down here". Now is that her was of saying I know you two are together or did she not read my letter and has no idea what is going on in her house? I have no idea. I want to keep Brittany with me but I don't want to talk to my mom, but I want her to know so I can hold brittany's hand or kiss her and not think my mom will come in and see us. I wish this was easer to do. I need my mom to know that I am in love with this girl and this is not going to be over any time soon. Oh what to do, what to do?

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February 21st, 2004

Time: 08:53 pm

Marriage is love.

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February 20th, 2004

Time: 01:04 pm Current Mood: bored

FIRSTS First job: no job, ever First screen name: obin84 First self purchased tape: First funeral: my pa First piercing/tattoo: Ears First credit card: bank 1 First true love: Brittany First enemy: j shoc LASTS Last big car ride: fort recovery Last kiss: last night Last library book checked out: ? Last movie seen: 50 first dates Last beverage drank: water Last food consumed: pizza Last phone call: Brittany called to tell me she was going to be home CD played: Last annoyance: brittany Last soda drank: cheerwine Last ice cream eaten: I have no idea. Last time scolded: I dunno Last shirt worn: some soccer shirt Last website visited: ask.com. I WANT: my kne to stop hurting I HAVE: no money I WISH: I could walk and drive I HATE: ummmm... I FEAR: the next 10 years I HEAR: the t.v I SEARCH: for info on my paper I WONDER: how long it will last I REGRET: not one thing I LOVE: everything I ALWAYS: say the wrong thing I AM NOT: what people think I DANCE: alone I SING: in the car I CRY: when no one is around I AM NOT ALWAYS: nice I NEVER WRITE: if I have to I WIN: when I do not ry so hard I LOSE: when I think about it I CONFUSE: most I NEED: a new knee I SHOULD: do my homework YES or NO YOU KEEP A DIARY: yes YOU LIKE TO COOK: yes YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: yes DO YOU...? HAVE A CRUSH: well I guess WANT TO GET MARRIED: yes GET MOTION SICKNESS: no THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: no way LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: sometimes CURRENT HAIR COLOR: dark brown/black EYE COLOR: Blue BIRTHPLACE: M-Town FAVORITES: NUMBER: 15 COLOR: blue DAY: friday MONTH: june SONG(S): SEASON: fall DRINK: cheerwine PREFERENCES: CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: Either CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: hot chocolate MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: Milk VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: Vanilla IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU... CRIED? yes HELPED SOMEONE? i don't think so BOUGHT SOMETHING? yes GOTTEN SICK? Nope GONE TO THE MOVIES? Nope SAID 'i love you'?: yes WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: Nope TALKED TO AN EX?: Nope MISSED AN EX? : No WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: this one HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: yes MISSED SOMEONE? yes HUGGED SOMEONE? yes FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? Nope FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? Nope

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February 17th, 2004

Current Music: Etta James Time: 09:10 pm Current Mood: sore

Well I had my surgery today. My fucking knee is killing me,but other than that I am ok. I did hurl 4 times already. So, yeah I think I am going to take two weeks off cuz this shit hurts more than I thought it was going to. It's nice though I have a personal nurse to take care of me. I still have to take that fucking geo test. I guess I will get to it sometime soon. So yeah Brittany got a job at waffle house courtesy of my dad. So thats cool. She starts tomorrow but she will work in monroe. It will suck cuz she is going to be off work when I am in school and working when I am not. OH well what can ya do but it will still suck. I guess that's all. see ya'll in a few weeks.

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February 14th, 2004

Time: 11:03 am Current Mood: content

She says she is sorry, she always says she is sorry. I believe her I do but at the time she makes me hurt. She knows I am trying she know that. Sometimes she just has to tell me what she thinks. I know that is who she is and most of the time I love her for it. But when it is directed at me it is hard to love. I want her to be happy and I want me to be happy. Oh well it is over and she has said sorry and so have I, we made up and all is good for now. she loved her V-day gift. I got her some candy, a stuff dog, and 5 long stem roses ( 1 for each week we have been together. I am glad she liked them. We have a lot to do today. We are going to her mom's, going to a movie, dinner, we have to go see her day in jail, stop by jessica's house some time, and we are going out to a club tonight. Busy, busy, busy day. I hope to see you all sometime tonight.

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February 13th, 2004

Time: 08:58 pm Current Mood: sad

WHat the fuck am I doing? I am fucking stuff up. I can not handle this. All she wants is for my to tell Ashley but I can't. I don;t know why I can but I can't. I care more about her than I do about my self but I still cant do it for her, why? This is never going to work if I can not tell people I am gay. This is to dame hard for me. I think I am falling in love with her but all we have done for the past few days is fight about how I am NOT telling people I am gay. She should understand. I should understand where she is coming form. I just want to cry.

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